Fluid

We've got to stay fluid.  I've got to stay fluid.

I made a video I wanted to share with you.

It was some improvising I did on the keyboard.  It was called "Me, Jesus and the Moon".  The instructions were to spin the knob on the keyboard that set the sound (organ, piano, guitar, drum kit, etc etc) and then to spontaneously play a little improv that was specifically inspired by the sound of that setting.  The goal was to notice how your instant composition style would be quite different depending on the quality of the sound. The goal was to put myself out there.  The goal was to work on improvisation in a medium that was not my primary (sound instead of movement).  The goal was to go with it and perhaps to inspire whoever watched it to follow their creativity, to play, to fuck up, to be surprised at how well they could navigate the unknown, to stop being so fearful, precious and protective of their shit and their ego.

The video was 10 minutes long, but I edited it down to about 4 minutes to "save time" for the viewer.  I figured at that short length, it still achieved its purpose without losing its essence.

And for whatever god damn reason I can't upload it off my iPad.  Maybe my internet connection is fucked tonight.  Youtube kept sending me into a pit of privacy bullshit that I could not get out of.

So here I am.  No video, but I can still send out my message.

My message is to PLAY.  My message is to DO IT.  To stay fluid and true to your essence.  There will be no compensation for selling out or holding off.  You will waste your life trying to be perfect or waiting until you are better.

And at each moment, I think about deleting this.  First I wanted to delete my video, now I want to delete this, but why?  Because it is not worthy?  What is worthy?  Who is worthy?  How can I live that way or support that way of thinking, even in my own head?  Everyone is worthy and nobody is worthy.  Nothing matters and therefore everything matters.  We will all die.  Our energy will keep on.  This is all a certainty.  The rest is a game, a roll of the dice, a shuffling of cards, a kiss and a slap in the face, a goodnight and a good morning and may I have some coffee please.....  All you've got are these moments, one less every second...

I guess it's easier to stay trapped in the day to day, the measurables, the acceptables, the controllables.... the illusions.

And, no, I'm not so free yet either.  I aspire... sometimes.  I have not a death wish, nor do I have an eternal life on Earth wish.   I have a wish for things to flow freely with less self doubt, with less self-censoring, with more unconditional love and acceptance, with more room for individuality....  Sometimes I go out and try to spread this message with my words or my actions or my energy.  Sometimes it feels too scary and unacceptable so I make my crazy videos and write here.  Maybe one person will read.  Maybe one person will do something a little differently.  Maybe not.  But instead of deleting this, I posted it.... and that is my work, my challenge, my way.